Guido All Stars

Top 10 Quotes From Jersey Shore

Espisode 1

• Everybody loves me. Babies, dogs, hot girls, cougars
• You have your penis pierced. I love it…I just saw your penis
• That’s what you get from putting a fat girls ass in your face. That’s how you get pink eye
• I feel like this job is beneath me. I’m a bartender. I do great things!
• I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off
• There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing, if a girls a slut she deserves to be abused
• Wear a thong bikini if you’re going to wear anything at all. That’s a little bit more classy , ya know?
• I hear the music, I start fist pumpin, I start pulling girls up on stage and it’s like now Vinny came out to play
• It only takes 9 pounds of pressure to break a nose
• My abs are so ripped up, I call it “the situation”

Espisode 2

• She just doesn’t want to feel like a trash bag. She has a boyfriend and she kissed me with the tongue
• Pickles is my thing…i eat it a specific way, suck the juice out first
• We hold hands in front of you. We cuddle in front of you. We make out in front of you. Like what else do you need? Do I need to beat it in front of you too for you to finally be like alright maybe i should just step back?
• I guess I’m single, I dunno. If I am we’ve got a problem on our hands…if he doesn’t want to make it work then its no holds, I’m just going to show my true side. My true dirty, filthy, f*ckin side
• I just let loose and I f*ckin killed it on the dance floor
• What are you guys doin?…Were going in the hot tub…Realllly? With me
• I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so I just made out with Ryder cause all the guys like that
• That’s what I like a good guy and a jerk off. It’s all in the same
• Yeah, f*ck my f*uckin a**hole right now!
• I mean I’ll break it down dancing. I love the beats, I’ve got my creepy patented move. I don’t even know where I learned to do this, I just rock that Sh*t out

Episode 3

• When I left Karma I didn’t even know what was going on in my head. Like I’m going to knock a b*tch up!
• I got girls back almost every night. There’s not a time I don’t have girls comin’ back. Girls love “The Situation”
• I couldn’t have sex with my girl, she was having her period. I go to take her pants off and she wouldn’t let me…no big deal
• I’m like chill out Freckles Mcgee
• I”m hookin’ up with my girl, Pauly’s hookin’ up with his girl and were gonna have sex. So…ya know…that’s “The Situation”
• If you’re not hittin’ the gym for an hour so you may have a problem. Okay, cause I’m at the gym for like an hour and half. Ya know, workin’ on my fitness
• Were beatin’ up the beat, that’s what we say when were doin’ our fist pump
• Then we noticed these two girls in a convertible. So we immediately run over to the car, it’s like a relfex.
• Basically one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl and Pauly D was with the grenade
• It should be strictly business. Jacuzzi, bedroom, take care of business and then I gotta go to bed

Episode 4 (13 quotes this week, there were just too many good ones!)

• Now I know they all love me like I love them. Like I stuck up for them, that’s why i got hit in the face
• Yeah really, I could be gettin’ my tan on right now
• I’m doing him a favor cause I see his spot has some potential, and I like throw down a sick mix and that’s going to bring people to his spot
• That’s why I don’t frickin eat lobster or anything like that…because they’re alive when you kill it, that’s like disgusting
• My hair didn’t even move an inch and I was in and out of the water….My hair’s windproof, waterproof, soccer-proof, motorcycle-proof. I’m not sure if  my hair’s bullet proof, I’m not willing to try that
• There is definitely a numbers game when it comes to girls. Let’s just say 10 girls have slipped you their number in a week, there’s a possibility that like 5 or 6 may not answer….somebody may pick up, but they’re busy….but probably on 3 and 4, they’re probably coming over and I’m going to have to make a decision on which group of girls I want to come over for me and my boy Paulie
• And its just you and your girl?…Is the other one cute?…Alright, we’ve got a “situation”
• They’re cool girls, they’re smart and everything, but they want to hook up just as well…but I think it will take a couple of times seeing them to hook up, they’re not like whores
• If I feel a beat, it might just so happen that my fist might just pump in the air
• I would try to upper cut her, but at that point I had too many bouncers wrapped around me…I’m going back to New York where I take f**king shots with the owners after i beat b**ches up
• I’m fat…no you’re not…awwww im about to eat a sausage right now
• Well they’re Technic 1200 M5G’s…they’re not regular turntables, they’re the best turntables you can buy
• I would send her a picture of my dick and a pack of bubble gum and say chew on this

Episode 5

• You know I like to look very fresh and mint when I go out, so you know everything goes into it. You gotta go to the gym the whole week, you know? You have to have a little color if you didn’t go to the beach. And then the last thing that you need to take care of is the outfit, okay? Now if the outfit is not looking good then the whole package is off and if feel off then you’re not going to have a good night. G.T.L baby. Gym. Tan. Laundry.
• Look at this little candy smile he’s got, he’s about to meet my sister. See he realizes how pretty I am and he wants to see my sister
• I didn’t mind hookin’ him up with my sister because you know what? The kid is harmless and Vinny knows that I’m pretty much the man of the house and not to push it too far or I’m gonna, you know? Uh, throw him in my trunk
• He’s lookin’ good, like I’d definitely hook up with him. If sh*t happens sh*t happens. If one thing leads to another I’m not gonna to tell him to get off
• Listen, with your Flinstone big toe. with your door stop big toe, honestly
• I didn’t want to be there, I just wanted to go home and make out with my friend Mike. So I just tested him a little. I was like listen, if you want to, like, go meet girls whatever, you can go….He frickin’ jumped out of the car like it was on fire!
• We did hook up, but unfortunately the girl she was with blocked “the situation”
• Ronnie’s in like pure creep mode. I’m like hell yeah, now we can go have some fun
• She rolls up with two giant bodyguards and one of them was the same grenade that was here las time and i was like ahhh noo
• There’s three crazy girls in the front right now. There’s like one huge grenade launcher, there’s one grenade and then there’s like one cute one
• “The Situation” expects me to jump on a grenade but I’m not taking one for the team for “The Situation.” I learned a long time ago, being a wing man for “The Situation” is not a good idea
• Through the scuffle Snooks gets hit in the face again, poor girl. She needs to take some Karate classes or something, she needs self defense. Somebody gotta teach her how to fight or duck
• I would definitely say that I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple of linebackers. I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures whatsoever. I mean these broads just probably smelled the food at the house
• And I was like, wait he pushed you? And she was like, yeah. Like I’m done with this sh*t, like you don’t push a girl. And I understand where she’s coming from ’cause I just got hit in the face by a guy

Episode 6

• Alright, I’m going to be honest with you right now…the only thing we care about is gettin’ girls. Gettin’ girls and goin’ to the gym
• I meet this guy at the bar. First off I see muscles so I’m like okay, like, this guy is my type
• Me and Keith start making out, we didn’t have sex, i don’t know why. But um, if I had to have sex with one person here it would probably be him because I know he’s a nice guy, he’s gotta be clean
• (Vinny) Bro you’re f**kin’ 27 years, I would never want to be like you when I’m 27 years old…(Mike) Really?? You have no game at all…(Vinny) Really?? That’s not what your sister thinks
• I believe I changed my clothes about 4 or 5 times cause I wasn’t necessarily happy with my outfit
• (Snookie) Can I have a roll please? (Mike) Don’t worry, you gotta couple!
• Vinny was hookin’ up with some chick and i didn’t even know he was hookin’ up with the chick, I just seen him with her and for some reason I think he went to the bathroom probably….I pulled the robbery move on him…so she ditched the zero and went with the hero I guess
• He had the bouncers escort me out…so when he comes in here I’m punching him in the face, that’s it
• I was happy that I found actually a hot guy. Ya know, we danced all night. I was like oh sh*t I’m gonna get some ass tonight, but obviously that didn’t happen
• Yo how do I taste bro? How does my d*ck taste?…Bro I got her and I passed her over to you. Congratulations on my sloppy seconds Bro